Letters From Mom

Meet Tiffany, one of the moms who contributed a letter to her estranged daughter for the book Letters from Mom: A Loving Reach Into the Silence That Separates Us.

In this post, Tiffany shares a brief glimpse into her powerful story of tragedy, loss, and a dramatic rescue.

I am no stranger to moments of darkness that tested my faith and challenged my resilience. Estrangement from my oldest daughter is one of them.[i] This painful experience is intensified by the fact that mothers seldom express these stories within their churches and other communities of faith, places where they long to have their voices heard and validated.

My painful journey began when my four children were abducted by their father while we were visiting him in Brazil.

In that tragic moment, I was unaware that my relentless struggle to rescue them would last nearly seven years, and that I would eventually lose the bond with my daughter, Belle. My deepest desire and greatest life achievement is motherhood, making those years almost impossible to survive.

While I navigated the broken steps of my life, Belle, my first-born, was always at the forefront of my mind. My journey of motherhood began with her, and she was a constant reminder of the love and strength that tied our family together. From the day she was born, Belle embodied her name—beautiful. Silky curls framed her delicate face and her bright smile was a daily gift. A few years later, her two sisters and brother would bring just as much joy to my heart. It wasn’t easy mothering four children under the age of six and, to complicate matters, we constantly moved between two continents. Living in Brazil required me to navigate a new culture and language.

Throughout these challenges I also routinely ignored the corrosive effects of domestic abuse that inhabited my marriage.[ii]

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Additionally, 85 percent of these women attempt to leave the abusive relationship an average of seven times before finally escaping.

The day my former husband disappeared with my children plunged me into a nightmare. He hid them behind the walls of his guarded mansion, leaving them frightened and confused. As a foreigner unfamiliar with the legal system, I found myself at a disadvantage compared to him—a well-connected Brazilian attorney from an influential family. Leveraging his position and connections, he manipulated the judicial system to strip me of my parental rights. I left the secure life of a typical American mom and deteriorated into a lonely, broken woman eking out an existence in the favelas (shantytowns) of São Paulo, Brazil.

I survived day by day giving English lessons and baking cookies which I sold in the city. But my heart constantly ached for my children and I couldn’t shake off the overwhelming weight of guilt and worry. I slipped into a deep depression and struggled to maintain any kind of footing that would give me a stable platform upon which I could experience God’s presence. I began to read scripture as a way to view my reality through the lens of God’s truth. Each psalm, verse, and promise filled my soul, rebooted my thoughts, and guided my decisions.

As I persevered through those seven years of turmoil and uncertainty, I encountered many instances of divine intervention that transcended the hardships of my daily life.

God mercifully met my needs in grace-filled, tangible ways that helped me persevere through endless days of grief and sorrow. Whether it was a place to sleep, a warm meal, legal help, friendship, or prayer, God’s infinitely kind hand provided for all my needs. Whenever I felt like giving up, God sent people to encourage me. In the midst of my darkness and despair, I discovered the ever-present power of God, like a beautiful current flowing just beneath the surface of my life. In certain moments it spilled over, breaking through the veil of the ordinary and touching my life in extraordinary ways.

After years of extreme hardship, a simple plea in the form of an email from my daughter to a special organization that rescues children sparked a dramatic turn of events. Within months, and through an elaborate escape plan, a team of heroes brought three of my children and I safely back to the United States. We now live on the East Coast where we continue to pray for my eldest daughter, Belle, who chose to remain in Brazil and is estranged from us.

As I process my trauma and loss, I am reminded of what Rowan Williams once said, “God is more deeply involved with any creature than we can imagine, and that’s why we don’t have to invent stories about God getting involved.” God was intimately involved in my story, and I know he is actively working in yours my friend. Through His love and redemptive power he creates beautiful paths from broken steps. I invite you to visit my website to learn more about my story.

I contributed a letter to Lisa Baldwin’s new book, Letters from Mom, which reaches out to Belle. The experience of writing to Belle has been a blessing, allowing me to reflect on my journey, the power of faith, and the love that sustained me through the toughest times. In a world where thousands of moms live in grief and isolation, Lisa’s book provides a safe place for connection and compassion. By recognizing the unique impact estrangement has on a mother’s heart, Letters From Mom helps unpack a complex cycle of emotions. Its pages carry powerful messages of hope, validating the voices of countless hurting parents who are searching for understanding and community.

[i] M. Gilligan, J. Suitor, and K. Pillemer,  Estrangement Between Mothers and Adult Children: The Role of Norms and Values, Journal of Marriage and Family, (2016): 77(4): 908 – 920

[ii] “Statistics,” National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, accessed March 8, 2024, https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS